5th Annual Hangover Open

5th Annual Hangover Open — The Tradition Nobody Intended, Yet Here We Are

The 5th Annual Hangover Open is proof that bad decisions can, in fact, become cherished traditions. What began as a New Year's Day support group disguised as golf has evolved into a full-blown desert spectacle of aspirational athletes and highly questionable life choices. We're older now, allegedly wiser, yet somehow even less prepared for teeing off after ringing in the new year like we were still 22.

This isn't a PGA event — unless PGA stands for Please God Advil. Nobody's chasing a Green Jacket; we're out here hunting for bragging rights, hydration packets, and the will to live. The fairways are pristine, the swings are not. Some of us arrive still wearing last night's glitter. Others show up with sunglasses so dark they could guide a lunar landing. New year, same chaos.

The classic 2-man scramble format returns, because nothing cures a hangover like depending entirely on someone just as unstable as you. Mulligans? Absolutely not. You already get a teammate to bail you out — and double bogey is still the panic button of choice. But don't get too cozy: after the round, the mysterious Wheel of Misfortune (aka randomly drawn 9 holes) will decide your true fate. A tie? We go back to the blind putting death match on the practice green — where legends are born and reputations are destroyed.

Expect the usual: • "Course enhancements" courtesy of prank-happy groups • Unsolicited swing advice from players who should not be talking • Trash talk powerful enough to cause lifelong friendships to tremble • And of course, the knowledge that someone will be roasted in the group chat until 2026

So buckle up, chug electrolytes, and pray to the golf gods. The 5th Annual Hangover Open tees off soon — assuming we can all locate the first tee… or consciousness.